prince’s arrival he had made up his mind to plead business, and “cut” the
meal; which simply meant running away.
He was particularly anxious that this one day should be passed—
especially the evening—without unpleasantness between himself and his
family; and just at the right moment the prince turned up—“as though
Heaven had sent him on purpose,” said the general to himself, as he left the
study to seek out the wife of his bosom.
V.
Mrs. General Epanchin was a proud woman by nature. What must her
feelings have been when she heard that Prince Muishkin, the last of his and
her line, had arrived in beggar’s guise, a wretched idiot, a recipient of
charity—all of which details the general gave out for greater effect! He was
anxious to steal her interest at the first swoop, so as to distract her thoughts
from other matters nearer home.
Mrs. Epanchin was in the habit of holding herself very straight, and
staring before her, without speaking, in moments of excitement.
She was a fine woman of the same age as her husband, with a slightly
hooked nose, a high, narrow forehead, thick hair turning a little grey, and a
sallow complexion. Her eyes were grey and wore a very curious expression
at times. She believed them to be most effective—a belief that nothing
could alter.
“What, receive him! Now, at once?” asked Mrs. Epanchin, gazing
vaguely at her husband as he stood fidgeting before her.
“Oh, dear me, I assure you there is no need to stand on ceremony with
him,” the general explained hastily. “He is quite a child, not to say a
pathetic-looking creature. He has fits of some sort, and has just arrived from
Switzerland, straight from the station, dressed like a German and without a
farthing in his pocket. I gave him twenty-five roubles to go on with, and am
going to find him some easy place in one of the government offices. I
should like you to ply him well with the victuals, my dears, for I should
think he must be very hungry.”
“You astonish me,” said the lady, gazing as before. “Fits, and hungry too!
What sort of fits?”
“Oh, they don’t come on frequently, besides, he’s a regular child, though
he seems to be fairly educated. I should like you, if possible, my dears,” the
general added, making slowly for the door, “to put him through his paces a
bit, and see what he is good for. I think you should be kind to him; it is a
good deed, you know—however, just as you like, of course—but he is a
sort of relation, remember, and I thought it might interest you to see the
young fellow, seeing that this is so.”
“Oh, of course, mamma, if we needn’t stand on ceremony with him, we
must give the poor fellow something to eat after his journey; especially as
he has not the least idea where to go to,” said Alexandra, the eldest of the
girls.
“Besides, he’s quite a child; we can entertain him with a little hide-and-
seek, in case of need,” said Adelaida.
“Hide-and-seek? What do you mean?” inquired Mrs. Epanchin.
“Oh, do stop pretending, mamma,” cried Aglaya, in vexation. “Send him
up, father; mother allows.”
The general rang the bell and gave orders that the prince should be shown
in.
“Only on condition that he has a napkin under his chin at lunch, then,”
said Mrs. Epanchin, “and let Fedor, or Mavra, stand behind him while he
eats. Is he quiet when he has these fits? He doesn’t show violence, does
he?”
“On the contrary, he seems to be very well brought up. His manners are
excellent—but here he is himself. Here you are, prince—let me introduce
you, the last of the Muishkins, a relative of your own, my dear, or at least of
the same name. Receive him kindly, please. They’ll bring in lunch directly,
prince; you must stop and have some, but you must excuse me. I’m in a
hurry, I must be off—”
“We all know where you must be off to!” said Mrs. Epanchin, in a
meaning voice.
“Yes, yes—I must hurry away, I’m late! Look here, dears, let him write
you something in your albums; you’ve no idea what a wonderful
caligraphist he is, wonderful talent! He has just written out ‘Abbot Pafnute
signed this’ for me. Well, au revoir!”
“Stop a minute; where are you off to? Who is this abbot?” cried Mrs.
Epanchin to her retreating husband in a tone of excited annoyance.
“Yes, my dear, it was an old abbot of that name—I must be off to see the
count, he’s waiting for me, I’m late—Good-bye! Au revoir, prince!”—and
the general bolted at full speed.
“Oh, yes—I know what count you’re going to see!” remarked his wife in
a cutting manner, as she turned her angry eyes on the prince. “Now then,
what’s all this about?—What abbot—Who’s Pafnute?” she added,
brusquely.
“Mamma!” said Alexandra, shocked at her rudeness.
Aglaya stamped her foot.
“Nonsense! Let me alone!” said the angry mother. “Now then, prince, sit
down here, no, nearer, come nearer the light! I want to have a good look at
you. So, now then, who is this abbot?”
“Abbot Pafnute,” said our friend, seriously and with deference.
“Pafnute, yes. And who was he?”
Mrs. Epanchin put these questions hastily and brusquely, and when the
prince answered she nodded her head sagely at each word he said.
“The Abbot Pafnute lived in the fourteenth century,” began the prince;
“he was in charge of one of the monasteries on the Volga, about where our
present Kostroma government lies. He went to Oreol and helped in the great
matters then going on in the religious world; he signed an edict there, and I
have seen a print of his signature; it struck me, so I copied it. When the
general asked me, in his study, to write something for him, to show my
handwriting, I wrote ‘The Abbot Pafnute signed this,’ in the exact
handwriting of the abbot. The general liked it very much, and that’s why he
recalled it just now.”
“Aglaya, make a note of ‘Pafnute,’ or we shall forget him. H’m! and
where is this signature?”
“I think it was left on the general’s table.”
“Let it be sent for at once!”
“Oh, I’ll write you a new one in half a minute,” said the prince, “if you
like!”
“Of course, mamma!” said Alexandra. “But let’s have lunch now, we are
all hungry!”
“Yes; come along, prince,” said the mother, “are you very hungry?”
“Yes; I must say that I am pretty hungry, thanks very much.”
“H’m! I like to see that you know your manners; and you are by no
means such a person as the general thought fit to describe you. Come along;
you sit here, opposite to me,” she continued, “I wish to be able to see your
face. Alexandra, Adelaida, look after the prince! He doesn’t seem so very
ill, does he? I don’t think he requires a napkin under his chin, after all; are
you accustomed to having one on, prince?”
“Formerly, when I was seven years old or so. I believe I wore one; but
now I usually hold my napkin on my knee when I eat.”
“Of course, of course! And about your fits?”
“Fits?” asked the prince, slightly surprised. “I very seldom have fits
nowadays. I don’t know how it may be here, though; they say the climate
may be bad for me.”
“He talks very well, you know!” said Mrs. Epanchin, who still continued
to nod at each word the prince spoke. “I really did not expect it at all; in
fact, I suppose it was all stuff and nonsense on the general’s part, as usual.
Eat away, prince, and tell me where you were born, and where you were
brought up. I wish to know all about you, you interest me very much!”
The prince expressed his thanks once more, and eating heartily the while,
recommenced the narrative of his life in Switzerland, all of which we have
heard before. Mrs. Epanchin became more and more pleased with her guest;
the girls, too, listened with considerable attention. In talking over the
question of relationship it turned out that the prince was very well up in the
matter and knew his pedigree off by heart. It was found that scarcely any
connection existed between himself and Mrs. Epanchin, but the talk, and
the opportunity of conversing about her family tree, gratified the latter
exceedingly, and she rose from the table in great good humour.
“Let’s all go to my boudoir,” she said, “and they shall bring some coffee
in there. That’s the room where we all assemble and busy ourselves as we
like best,” she explained. “Alexandra, my eldest, here, plays the piano, or
reads or sews; Adelaida paints landscapes and portraits (but never finishes
any); and Aglaya sits and does nothing. I don’t work too much, either. Here
we are, now; sit down, prince, near the fire and talk to us. I want to hear you
relate something. I wish to make sure of you first and then tell my old
friend, Princess Bielokonski, about you. I wish you to know all the good
people and to interest them. Now then, begin!”
“Mamma, it’s rather a strange order, that!” said Adelaida, who was
fussing among her paints and paint-brushes at the easel. Aglaya and
Alexandra had settled themselves with folded hands on a sofa, evidently
meaning to be listeners. The prince felt that the general attention was
concentrated upon himself.
“I should refuse to say a word if I were ordered to tell a story like that!”
observed Aglaya.
“Why? what’s there strange about it? He has a tongue. Why shouldn’t he
tell us something? I want to judge whether he is a good story-teller;
anything you like, prince—how you liked Switzerland, what was your first
impression, anything. You’ll see, he’ll begin directly and tell us all about it
beautifully.”
“The impression was forcible—” the prince began.
“There, you see, girls,” said the impatient lady, “he has begun, you see.”
“Well, then, let him talk, mamma,” said Alexandra. “This prince is a
great humbug and by no means an idiot,” she whispered to Aglaya.
“Oh, I saw that at once,” replied the latter. “I don’t think it at all nice of
him to play a part. What does he wish to gain by it, I wonder?”
“My first impression was a very strong one,” repeated the prince. “When
they took me away from Russia, I remember I passed through many
German towns and looked out of the windows, but did not trouble so much
as to ask questions about them. This was after a long series of fits. I always
used to fall into a sort of torpid condition after such a series, and lost my
memory almost entirely; and though I was not altogether without reason at
such times, yet I had no logical power of thought. This would continue for
three or four days, and then I would recover myself again. I remember my
melancholy was intolerable; I felt inclined to cry; I sat and wondered and
wondered uncomfortably; the consciousness that everything was strange
weighed terribly upon me; I could understand that it was all foreign and
strange. I recollect I awoke from this state for the first time at Basle, one
evening; the bray of a donkey aroused me, a donkey in the town market. I
saw the donkey and was extremely pleased with it, and from that moment
my head seemed to clear.”
“A donkey? How strange! Yet it is not strange. Anyone of us might fall in
love with a donkey! It happened in mythological times,” said Madame
Epanchin, looking wrathfully at her daughters, who had begun to laugh.
“Go on, prince.”
“Since that evening I have been specially fond of donkeys. I began to ask
questions about them, for I had never seen one before; and I at once came to
the conclusion that this must be one of the most useful of animals—strong,
willing, patient, cheap; and, thanks to this donkey, I began to like the whole
country I was travelling through; and my melancholy passed away.”
“All this is very strange and interesting,” said Mrs. Epanchin. “Now let’s
leave the donkey and go on to other matters. What are you laughing at,
Aglaya? and you too, Adelaida? The prince told us his experiences very
cleverly; he saw the donkey himself, and what have you ever seen? You
have never been abroad.”
“I have seen a donkey though, mamma!” said Aglaya.
“And I’ve heard one!” said Adelaida. All three of the girls laughed out
loud, and the prince laughed with them.
“Well, it’s too bad of you,” said mamma. “You must forgive them, prince;
they are good girls. I am very fond of them, though I often have to be
scolding them; they are all as silly and mad as march hares.”
“Oh, why shouldn’t they laugh?” said the prince. “I shouldn’t have let the
chance go by in their place, I know. But I stick up for the donkey, all the
same; he’s a patient, good-natured fellow.”
“Are you a patient man, prince? I ask out of curiosity,” said Mrs.
Epanchin.
All laughed again.
“Oh, that wretched donkey again, I see!” cried the lady. “I assure you,
prince, I was not guilty of the least—”
“Insinuation? Oh! I assure you, I take your word for it.” And the prince
continued laughing merrily.
“I must say it’s very nice of you to laugh. I see you really are a kind-
hearted fellow,” said Mrs. Epanchin.
“I’m not always kind, though.”
“I am kind myself, and always kind too, if you please!” she retorted,
unexpectedly; “and that is my chief fault, for one ought not to be always
kind. I am often angry with these girls and their father; but the worst of it is,
I am always kindest when I am cross. I was very angry just before you
came, and Aglaya there read me a lesson—thanks, Aglaya, dear—come and
kiss me—there—that’s enough” she added, as Aglaya came forward and
kissed her lips and then her hand. “Now then, go on, prince. Perhaps you
can think of something more exciting than about the donkey, eh?”
“I must say, again, I can’t understand how you can expect anyone to tell
you stories straight away, so,” said Adelaida. “I know I never could!”
“Yes, but the prince can, because he is clever—cleverer than you are by
ten or twenty times, if you like. There, that’s so, prince; and seriously, let’s
drop the donkey now—what else did you see abroad, besides the donkey?”
“Yes, but the prince told us about the donkey very cleverly, all the same,”
said Alexandra. “I have always been most interested to hear how people go
mad and get well again, and that sort of thing. Especially when it happens
suddenly.”
“Quite so, quite so!” cried Mrs. Epanchin, delighted. “I see you can be
sensible now and then, Alexandra. You were speaking of Switzerland,
prince?”
“Yes. We came to Lucerne, and I was taken out in a boat. I felt how
lovely it was, but the loveliness weighed upon me somehow or other, and
made me feel melancholy.”
“Why?” asked Alexandra.
“I don’t know; I always feel like that when I look at the beauties of
nature for the first time; but then, I was ill at that time, of course!”
“Oh, but I should like to see it!” said Adelaida; “and I don’t know when
we shall ever go abroad. I’ve been two years looking out for a good subject
for a picture. I’ve done all I know. ‘The North and South I know by heart,’
as our poet observes. Do help me to a subject, prince.”
“Oh, but I know nothing about painting. It seems to me one only has to
look, and paint what one sees.”
“But I don’t know how to see!”
“Nonsense, what rubbish you talk!” the mother struck in. “Not know how
to see! Open your eyes and look! If you can’t see here, you won’t see
abroad either. Tell us what you saw yourself, prince!”
“Yes, that’s better,” said Adelaida; “the prince learned to see abroad.”
“Oh, I hardly know! You see, I only went to restore my health. I don’t
know whether I learned to see, exactly. I was very happy, however, nearly
all the time.”
“Happy! you can be happy?” cried Aglaya. “Then how can you say you
did not learn to see? I should think you could teach us to see!”
“Oh! do teach us,” laughed Adelaida.
“Oh! I can’t do that,” said the prince, laughing too. “I lived almost all the
while in one little Swiss village; what can I teach you? At first I was only
just not absolutely dull; then my health began to improve—then every day
became dearer and more precious to me, and the longer I stayed, the dearer
became the time to me; so much so that I could not help observing it; but
why this was so, it would be difficult to say.”
“So that you didn’t care to go away anywhere else?”
“Well, at first I did; I was restless; I didn’t know however I should
manage to support life—you know there are such moments, especially in
solitude. There was a waterfall near us, such a lovely thin streak of water,
like a thread but white and moving. It fell from a great height, but it looked
quite low, and it was half a mile away, though it did not seem fifty paces. I
loved to listen to it at night, but it was then that I became so restless.
Sometimes I went and climbed the mountain and stood there in the midst of
the tall pines, all alone in the terrible silence, with our little village in the
distance, and the sky so blue, and the sun so bright, and an old ruined castle
on the mountain-side, far away. I used to watch the line where earth and sky
met, and longed to go and seek there the key of all mysteries, thinking that I
might find there a new life, perhaps some great city where life should be
grander and richer—and then it struck me that life may be grand enough
even in a prison.”
“I read that last most praiseworthy thought in my manual, when I was
twelve years old,” said Aglaya.
“All this is pure philosophy,” said Adelaida. “You are a philosopher,
prince, and have come here to instruct us in your views.”
“Perhaps you are right,” said the prince, smiling. “I think I am a
philosopher, perhaps, and who knows, perhaps I do wish to teach my views
of things to those I meet with?”
“Your philosophy is rather like that of an old woman we know, who is
rich and yet does nothing but try how little she can spend. She talks of
nothing but money all day. Your great philosophical idea of a grand life in a
prison and your four happy years in that Swiss village are like this, rather,”
said Aglaya.
“As to life in a prison, of course there may be two opinions,” said the
prince. “I once heard the story of a man who lived twelve years in a prison
—I heard it from the man himself. He was one of the persons under
treatment with my professor; he had fits, and attacks of melancholy, then he
would weep, and once he tried to commit suicide. His life in prison was sad
enough; his only acquaintances were spiders and a tree that grew outside his
grating—but I think I had better tell you of another man I met last year.
There was a very strange feature in this case, strange because of its
extremely rare occurrence. This man had once been brought to the scaffold
in company with several others, and had had the sentence of death by
shooting passed upon him for some political crime. Twenty minutes later he
had been reprieved and some other punishment substituted; but the interval
between the two sentences, twenty minutes, or at least a quarter of an hour,
had been passed in the certainty that within a few minutes he must die. I
was very anxious to hear him speak of his impressions during that dreadful
time, and I several times inquired of him as to what he thought and felt. He
remembered everything with the most accurate and extraordinary
distinctness, and declared that he would never forget a single iota of the
experience.
“About twenty paces from the scaffold, where he had stood to hear the
sentence, were three posts, fixed in the ground, to which to fasten the
criminals (of whom there were several). The first three criminals were taken
to the posts, dressed in long white tunics, with white caps drawn over their
faces, so that they could not see the rifles pointed at them. Then a group of
soldiers took their stand opposite to each post. My friend was the eighth on
the list, and therefore he would have been among the third lot to go up. A
priest went about among them with a cross: and there was about five
minutes of time left for him to live.
“He said that those five minutes seemed to him to be a most interminable
period, an enormous wealth of time; he seemed to be living, in these
minutes, so many lives that there was no need as yet to think of that last
moment, so that he made several arrangements, dividing up the time into
portions—one for saying farewell to his companions, two minutes for that;
then a couple more for thinking over his own life and career and all about
himself; and another minute for a last look around. He remembered having
divided his time like this quite well. While saying good-bye to his friends
he recollected asking one of them some very usual everyday question, and
being much interested in the answer. Then having bade farewell, he
embarked upon those two minutes which he had allotted to looking into
himself; he knew beforehand what he was going to think about. He wished
to put it to himself as quickly and clearly as possible, that here was he, a
living, thinking man, and that in three minutes he would be nobody; or if
somebody or something, then what and where? He thought he would decide
this question once for all in these last three minutes. A little way off there
stood a church, and its gilded spire glittered in the sun. He remembered
staring stubbornly at this spire, and at the rays of light sparkling from it. He
could not tear his eyes from these rays of light; he got the idea that these
rays were his new nature, and that in three minutes he would become one of
them, amalgamated somehow with them.
“The repugnance to what must ensue almost immediately, and the
uncertainty, were dreadful, he said; but worst of all was the idea, ‘What
should I do if I were not to die now? What if I were to return to life again?
What an eternity of days, and all mine! How I should grudge and count up
every minute of it, so as to waste not a single instant!’ He said that this
thought weighed so upon him and became such a terrible burden upon his
brain that he could not bear it, and wished they would shoot him quickly
and have done with it.”
The prince paused and all waited, expecting him to go on again and
finish the story.
“Is that all?” asked Aglaya.
“All? Yes,” said the prince, emerging from a momentary reverie.
“And why did you tell us this?”
“Oh, I happened to recall it, that’s all! It fitted into the conversation—”
“You probably wish to deduce, prince,” said Alexandra, “that moments of
time cannot be reckoned by money value, and that sometimes five minutes
are worth priceless treasures. All this is very praiseworthy; but may I ask
about this friend of yours, who told you the terrible experience of his life?
He was reprieved, you say; in other words, they did restore to him that
‘eternity of days.’ What did he do with these riches of time? Did he keep
careful account of his minutes?”
“Oh no, he didn’t! I asked him myself. He said that he had not lived a bit
as he had intended, and had wasted many, and many a minute.”
“Very well, then there’s an experiment, and the thing is proved; one
cannot live and count each moment; say what you like, but one cannot.”
“That is true,” said the prince, “I have thought so myself. And yet, why
shouldn’t one do it?”
“You think, then, that you could live more wisely than other people?”
said Aglaya.
“I have had that idea.”
“And you have it still?”
“Yes—I have it still,” the prince replied.
He had contemplated Aglaya until now, with a pleasant though rather
timid smile, but as the last words fell from his lips he began to laugh, and
looked at her merrily.
“You are not very modest!” said she.
“But how brave you are!” said he. “You are laughing, and I—that man’s
tale impressed me so much, that I dreamt of it afterwards; yes, I dreamt of
those five minutes…”
He looked at his listeners again with that same serious, searching
expression.
“You are not angry with me?” he asked suddenly, and with a kind of
nervous hurry, although he looked them straight in the face.
“Why should we be angry?” they cried.
“Only because I seem to be giving you a lecture, all the time!”
At this they laughed heartily.
“Please don’t be angry with me,” continued the prince. “I know very well
that I have seen less of life than other people, and have less knowledge of it.
I must appear to speak strangely sometimes…”
He said the last words nervously.
“You say you have been happy, and that proves you have lived, not less,
but more than other people. Why make all these excuses?” interrupted
Aglaya in a mocking tone of voice. “Besides, you need not mind about
lecturing us; you have nothing to boast of. With your quietism, one could
live happily for a hundred years at least. One might show you the execution
of a felon, or show you one’s little finger. You could draw a moral from
either, and be quite satisfied. That sort of existence is easy enough.”
“I can’t understand why you always fly into a temper,” said Mrs.
Epanchin, who had been listening to the conversation and examining the
faces of the speakers in turn. “I do not understand what you mean. What has
your little finger to do with it? The prince talks well, though he is not
amusing. He began all right, but now he seems sad.”
“Never mind, mamma! Prince, I wish you had seen an execution,” said
Aglaya. “I should like to ask you a question about that, if you had.”
“I have seen an execution,” said the prince.
“You have!” cried Aglaya. “I might have guessed it. That’s a fitting
crown to the rest of the story. If you have seen an execution, how can you
say you lived happily all the while?”
“But is there capital punishment where you were?” asked Adelaida.
“I saw it at Lyons. Schneider took us there, and as soon as we arrived we
came in for that.”
“Well, and did you like it very much? Was it very edifying and
instructive?” asked Aglaya.
“No, I didn’t like it at all, and was ill after seeing it; but I confess I stared
as though my eyes were fixed to the sight. I could not tear them away.”
“I, too, should have been unable to tear my eyes away,” said Aglaya.
“They do not at all approve of women going to see an execution there.
The women who do go are condemned for it afterwards in the newspapers.”
“That is, by contending that it is not a sight for women they admit that it
is a sight for men. I congratulate them on the deduction. I suppose you quite
agree with them, prince?”
“Tell us about the execution,” put in Adelaida.
“I would much rather not, just now,” said the prince, a little disturbed and
frowning slightly.
“You don’t seem to want to tell us,” said Aglaya, with a mocking air.
“No,—the thing is, I was telling all about the execution a little while ago,
and—”
“Whom did you tell about it?”
“The man-servant, while I was waiting to see the general.”
“Our man-servant?” exclaimed several voices at once.
“Yes, the one who waits in the entrance hall, a greyish, red-faced man—”
“The prince is clearly a democrat,” remarked Aglaya.
“Well, if you could tell Aleksey about it, surely you can tell us too.”
“I do so want to hear about it,” repeated Adelaida.
“Just now, I confess,” began the prince, with more animation, “when you
asked me for a subject for a picture, I confess I had serious thoughts of
giving you one. I thought of asking you to draw the face of a criminal, one
minute before the fall of the guillotine, while the wretched man is still
standing on the scaffold, preparatory to placing his neck on the block.”
“What, his face? only his face?” asked Adelaida. “That would be a
strange subject indeed. And what sort of a picture would that make?”
“Oh, why not?” the prince insisted, with some warmth. “When I was in
Basle I saw a picture very much in that style—I should like to tell you about
it; I will some time or other; it struck me very forcibly.”
“Oh, you shall tell us about the Basle picture another time; now we must
have all about the execution,” said Adelaida. “Tell us about that face as it
appeared to your imagination—how should it be drawn?—just the face
alone, do you mean?”
“It was just a minute before the execution,” began the prince, readily,
carried away by the recollection and evidently forgetting everything else in
a moment; “just at the instant when he stepped off the ladder on to the
scaffold. He happened to look in my direction: I saw his eyes and
understood all, at once—but how am I to describe it? I do so wish you or
somebody else could draw it, you, if possible. I thought at the time what a
picture it would make. You must imagine all that went before, of course, all
—all. He had lived in the prison for some time and had not expected that
the execution would take place for at least a week yet—he had counted on
all the formalities and so on taking time; but it so happened that his papers
had been got ready quickly. At five o’clock in the morning he was asleep—
it was October, and at five in the morning it was cold and dark. The
governor of the prison comes in on tip-toe and touches the sleeping man’s
shoulder gently. He starts up. ‘What is it?’ he says. ‘The execution is fixed
for ten o’clock.’ He was only just awake, and would not believe at first, but
began to argue that his papers would not be out for a week, and so on.
When he was wide awake and realized the truth, he became very silent and
argued no more—so they say; but after a bit he said: ‘It comes very hard on
one so suddenly’ and then he was silent again and said nothing.
“The three or four hours went by, of course, in necessary preparations—
the priest, breakfast, (coffee, meat, and some wine they gave him; doesn’t it
seem ridiculous?) And yet I believe these people give them a good breakfast
out of pure kindness of heart, and believe that they are doing a good action.
Then he is dressed, and then begins the procession through the town to the
scaffold. I think he, too, must feel that he has an age to live still while they
cart him along. Probably he thought, on the way, ‘Oh, I have a long, long
time yet. Three streets of life yet! When we’ve passed this street there’ll be
that other one; and then that one where the baker’s shop is on the right; and
when shall we get there? It’s ages, ages!’ Around him are crowds shouting,
yelling—ten thousand faces, twenty thousand eyes. All this has to be
endured, and especially the thought: ‘Here are ten thousand men, and not
one of them is going to be executed, and yet I am to die.’ Well, all that is
preparatory.
“At the scaffold there is a ladder, and just there he burst into tears—and
this was a strong man, and a terribly wicked one, they say! There was a
priest with him the whole time, talking; even in the cart as they drove along,
he talked and talked. Probably the other heard nothing; he would begin to
listen now and then, and at the third word or so he had forgotten all about it.
“At last he began to mount the steps; his legs were tied, so that he had to
take very small steps. The priest, who seemed to be a wise man, had
stopped talking now, and only held the cross for the wretched fellow to kiss.
At the foot of the ladder he had been pale enough; but when he set foot on
the scaffold at the top, his face suddenly became the colour of paper,
positively like white notepaper. His legs must have become suddenly feeble
and helpless, and he felt a choking in his throat—you know the sudden
feeling one has in moments of terrible fear, when one does not lose one’s
wits, but is absolutely powerless to move? If some dreadful thing were
suddenly to happen; if a house were just about to fall on one;—don’t you
know how one would long to sit down and shut one’s eyes and wait, and
wait? Well, when this terrible feeling came over him, the priest quickly
pressed the cross to his lips, without a word—a little silver cross it was—
and he kept on pressing it to the man’s lips every second. And whenever the
cross touched his lips, the eyes would open for a moment, and the legs
moved once, and he kissed the cross greedily, hurriedly—just as though he
were anxious to catch hold of something in case of its being useful to him
afterwards, though he could hardly have had any connected religious
thoughts at the time. And so up to the very block.
“How strange that criminals seldom swoon at such a moment! On the
contrary, the brain is especially active, and works incessantly—probably
hard, hard, hard—like an engine at full pressure. I imagine that various
thoughts must beat loud and fast through his head—all unfinished ones, and
strange, funny thoughts, very likely!—like this, for instance: ‘That man is
looking at me, and he has a wart on his forehead! and the executioner has
burst one of his buttons, and the lowest one is all rusty!’ And meanwhile he
notices and remembers everything. There is one point that cannot be
forgotten, round which everything else dances and turns about; and because
of this point he cannot faint, and this lasts until the very final quarter of a
second, when the wretched neck is on the block and the victim listens and
waits and knows—that’s the point, he knows that he is just now about to die,
and listens for the rasp of the iron over his head. If I lay there, I should
certainly listen for that grating sound, and hear it, too! There would
probably be but the tenth part of an instant left to hear it in, but one would
certainly hear it. And imagine, some people declare that when the head flies
off it is conscious of having flown off! Just imagine what a thing to realize!
Fancy if consciousness were to last for even five seconds!
“Draw the scaffold so that only the top step of the ladder comes in
clearly. The criminal must be just stepping on to it, his face as white as
note-paper. The priest is holding the cross to his blue lips, and the criminal
kisses it, and knows and sees and understands everything. The cross and the
head—there’s your picture; the priest and the executioner, with his two
assistants, and a few heads and eyes below. Those might come in as
subordinate accessories—a sort of mist. There’s a picture for you.” The
prince paused, and looked around.
“Certainly that isn’t much like quietism,” murmured Alexandra, half to
herself.
“Now tell us about your love affairs,” said Adelaida, after a moment’s
pause.
The prince gazed at her in amazement.
“You know,” Adelaida continued, “you owe us a description of the Basle
picture; but first I wish to hear how you fell in love. Don’t deny the fact, for
you did, of course. Besides, you stop philosophizing when you are telling
about anything.”
“Why are you ashamed of your stories the moment after you have told
them?” asked Aglaya, suddenly.
“How silly you are!” said Mrs. Epanchin, looking indignantly towards
the last speaker.
“Yes, that wasn’t a clever remark,” said Alexandra.
“Don’t listen to her, prince,” said Mrs. Epanchin; “she says that sort of
thing out of mischief. Don’t think anything of their nonsense, it means
nothing. They love to chaff, but they like you. I can see it in their faces—I
know their faces.”
“I know their faces, too,” said the prince, with a peculiar stress on the
words.
“How so?” asked Adelaida, with curiosity.
“What do you know about our faces?” exclaimed the other two, in
chorus.
But the prince was silent and serious. All awaited his reply.
“I’ll tell you afterwards,” he said quietly.
“Ah, you want to arouse our curiosity!” said Aglaya. “And how terribly
solemn you are about it!”
“Very well,” interrupted Adelaida, “then if you can read faces so well,
you must have been in love. Come now; I’ve guessed—let’s have the
secret!”
“I have not been in love,” said the prince, as quietly and seriously as
before. “I have been happy in another way.”
