CHAPTER 37
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA
The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don
Quixote fell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed, “I
hope this senora duenna won’t be putting any difficulties in the way of the
promise of my government; for I have heard a Toledo apothecary, who
talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas were mixed up nothing good
could happen. God bless me, how he hated them, that same apothecary!
And so what I’m thinking is, if all duennas, of whatever sort or condition
they may be, are plagues and busybodies, what must they be that are dis-
tressed, like this Countess Three-skirts or Three-tails!—for in my country
skirts or tails, tails or skirts, it’s all one.”
“Hush, friend Sancho,” said Don Quixote; “since this lady duenna comes
in quest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one of those the
apothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and when countesses serve
as duennas it is in the service of queens and empresses, for in their own
houses they are mistresses paramount and have other duennas to wait on
them.”
To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, “My lady the
duchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if it was the
will of fortune; ‘but laws go as kings like;’ let nobody speak ill of duennas,
above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I am not one myself, I know
and am aware of the advantage a maiden duenna has over one that is a wid-
ow; but ‘he who clipped us has kept the scissors.'”
“For all that,” said Sancho, “there’s so much to be clipped about duennas,
so my barber said, that ‘it will be better not to stir the rice even though it
sticks.'”
“These squires,” returned Dona Rodriguez, “are always our enemies; and
as they are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watch us at every
step, whenever they are not saying their prayers (and that’s often enough)
they spend their time in tattling about us, digging up our bones and burying
our good name. But I can tell these walking blocks that we will live in spite
of them, and in great houses too, though we die of hunger and cover our
flesh, be it delicate or not, with widow’s weeds, as one covers or hides a
dunghill on a procession day. By my faith, if it were permitted me and time
allowed, I could prove, not only to those here present, but to all the world,
that there is no virtue that is not to be found in a duenna.”
“I have no doubt,” said the duchess, “that my good Dona Rodriguez is
right, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fighting her
own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush the calumny of
that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in the great Sancho Panza’s
mind.”
To which Sancho replied, “Ever since I have sniffed the governorship I
have got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don’t care a wild fig for all the
duennas in the world.”
They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had they not
heard the notes of the fife and drums once more, from which they conclud-
ed that the Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. The duchess asked
the duke if it would be proper to go out to receive her, as she was a countess
and a person of rank.
“In respect of her being a countess,” said Sancho, before the duke could
reply, “I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; but in respect of
her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stir a step.”
“Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?” said Don Quixote.
“Who, senor?” said Sancho; “I meddle for I have a right to meddle, as a
squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of your worship,
the most courteous and best-bred knight in the whole world of courtliness;
and in these things, as I have heard your worship say, as much is lost by a
card too many as by a card too few, and to one who has his ears open, few
words.”
“Sancho is right,” said the duke; “we’ll see what the countess is like, and
by that measure the courtesy that is due to her.”
And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and here the
author brought this short chapter to an end and began the next, following up
the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in the history.
