CHAPTER 17
IN WHICH ARE CONTAINED THE INNUMERABLE TROUBLES WHICH THE BRAVE DON
QUIXOTE AND HIS GOOD SQUIRE SANCHO PANZA ENDURED IN THE INN, WHICH TO
HIS MISFORTUNE HE TOOK TO BE A CASTLE
By this time Don Quixote had recovered from his swoon; and in the same
tone of voice in which he had called to his squire the day before when he
lay stretched “in the vale of the stakes,” he began calling to him now, “San-
cho, my friend, art thou asleep? sleepest thou, friend Sancho?”
“How can I sleep, curses on it!” returned Sancho discontentedly and bit-
terly, “when it is plain that all the devils have been at me this night?”
“Thou mayest well believe that,” answered Don Quixote, “because, either
I know little, or this castle is enchanted, for thou must know-but this that I
am now about to tell thee thou must swear to keep secret until after my
death.”
“I swear it,” answered Sancho.
“I say so,” continued Don Quixote, “because I hate taking away anyone’s
good name.”
“I say,” replied Sancho, “that I swear to hold my tongue about it till the
end of your worship’s days, and God grant I may be able to let it out
tomorrow.”
“Do I do thee such injuries, Sancho,” said Don Quixote, “that thou
wouldst see me dead so soon?”
“It is not for that,” replied Sancho, “but because I hate keeping things
long, and I don’t want them to grow rotten with me from over-keeping.”
“At any rate,” said Don Quixote, “I have more confidence in thy affection
and good nature; and so I would have thee know that this night there befell
me one of the strangest adventures that I could describe, and to relate it to
thee briefly thou must know that a little while ago the daughter of the lord
of this castle came to me, and that she is the most elegant and beautiful
damsel that could be found in the wide world. What I could tell thee of the
charms of her person! of her lively wit! of other secret matters which, to
preserve the fealty I owe to my lady Dulcinea del Toboso, I shall pass over
unnoticed and in silence! I will only tell thee that, either fate being envious
of so great a boon placed in my hands by good fortune, or perhaps (and this
is more probable) this castle being, as I have already said, enchanted, at the
time when I was engaged in the sweetest and most amorous discourse with
her, there came, without my seeing or knowing whence it came, a hand at-
tached to some arm of some huge giant, that planted such a cuff on my jaws
that I have them all bathed in blood, and then pummelled me in such a way
that I am in a worse plight than yesterday when the carriers, on account of
Rocinante’s misbehaviour, inflicted on us the injury thou knowest of;
whence conjecture that there must be some enchanted Moor guarding the
treasure of this damsel’s beauty, and that it is not for me.”
“Not for me either,” said Sancho, “for more than four hundred Moors
have so thrashed me that the drubbing of the stakes was cakes and fancy-
bread to it. But tell me, senor, what do you call this excellent and rare ad-
venture that has left us as we are left now? Though your worship was not so
badly off, having in your arms that incomparable beauty you spoke of; but
I, what did I have, except the heaviest whacks I think I had in all my life?
Unlucky me and the mother that bore me! for I am not a knight-errant and
never expect to be one, and of all the mishaps, the greater part falls to my
share.”
“Then thou hast been thrashed too?” said Don Quixote.
“Didn’t I say so? worse luck to my line!” said Sancho.
“Be not distressed, friend,” said Don Quixote, “for I will now make the
precious balsam with which we shall cure ourselves in the twinkling of an
eye.”
By this time the cuadrillero had succeeded in lighting the lamp, and came
in to see the man that he thought had been killed; and as Sancho caught
sight of him at the door, seeing him coming in his shirt, with a cloth on his
head, and a lamp in his hand, and a very forbidding countenance, he said to
his master, “Senor, can it be that this is the enchanted Moor coming back to
give us more castigation if there be anything still left in the ink-bottle?”
“It cannot be the Moor,” answered Don Quixote, “for those under en-
chantment do not let themselves be seen by anyone.”
“If they don’t let themselves be seen, they let themselves be felt,” said
Sancho; “if not, let my shoulders speak to the point.”
“Mine could speak too,” said Don Quixote, “but that is not a sufficient
reason for believing that what we see is the enchanted Moor.”
The officer came up, and finding them engaged in such a peaceful con-
versation, stood amazed; though Don Quixote, to be sure, still lay on his
back unable to move from pure pummelling and plasters. The officer turned
to him and said, “Well, how goes it, good man?”
“I would speak more politely if I were you,” replied Don Quixote; “is it
the way of this country to address knights-errant in that style, you booby?”
The cuadrillero finding himself so disrespectfully treated by such a sorry-
looking individual, lost his temper, and raising the lamp full of oil, smote
Don Quixote such a blow with it on the head that he gave him a badly bro-
ken pate; then, all being in darkness, he went out, and Sancho Panza said,
“That is certainly the enchanted Moor, Senor, and he keeps the treasure for
others, and for us only the cuffs and lamp-whacks.”
“That is the truth,” answered Don Quixote, “and there is no use in trou-
bling oneself about these matters of enchantment or being angry or vexed at
them, for as they are invisible and visionary we shall find no one on whom
to avenge ourselves, do what we may; rise, Sancho, if thou canst, and call
the alcaide of this fortress, and get him to give me a little oil, wine, salt, and
rosemary to make the salutiferous balsam, for indeed I believe I have great
need of it now, because I am losing much blood from the wound that phan-
tom gave me.”
Sancho got up with pain enough in his bones, and went after the innkeep-
er in the dark, and meeting the officer, who was looking to see what had be-
come of his enemy, he said to him, “Senor, whoever you are, do us the
favour and kindness to give us a little rosemary, oil, salt, and wine, for it is
wanted to cure one of the best knights-errant on earth, who lies on yonder
bed wounded by the hands of the enchanted Moor that is in this inn.”
When the officer heard him talk in this way, he took him for a man out of
his senses, and as day was now beginning to break, he opened the inn gate,
and calling the host, he told him what this good man wanted. The host fur-
nished him with what he required, and Sancho brought it to Don Quixote,
who, with his hand to his head, was bewailing the pain of the blow of the
lamp, which had done him no more harm than raising a couple of rather
large lumps, and what he fancied blood was only the sweat that flowed from
him in his sufferings during the late storm. To be brief, he took the materi-
als, of which he made a compound, mixing them all and boiling them a
good while until it seemed to him they had come to perfection. He then
asked for some vial to pour it into, and as there was not one in the inn, he
decided on putting it into a tin oil-bottle or flask of which the host made
him a free gift; and over the flask he repeated more than eighty paternosters
and as many more ave-marias, salves, and credos, accompanying each word
with a cross by way of benediction, at all which there were present Sancho,
the innkeeper, and the cuadrillero; for the carrier was now peacefully en-
gaged in attending to the comfort of his mules.
This being accomplished, he felt anxious to make trial himself, on the
spot, of the virtue of this precious balsam, as he considered it, and so he
drank near a quart of what could not be put into the flask and remained in
the pigskin in which it had been boiled; but scarcely had he done drinking
when he began to vomit in such a way that nothing was left in his stomach,
and with the pangs and spasms of vomiting he broke into a profuse sweat,
on account of which he bade them cover him up and leave him alone. They
did so, and he lay sleeping more than three hours, at the end of which he
awoke and felt very great bodily relief and so much ease from his bruises
that he thought himself quite cured, and verily believed he had hit upon the
balsam of Fierabras; and that with this remedy he might thenceforward,
without any fear, face any kind of destruction, battle, or combat, however
perilous it might be.
Sancho Panza, who also regarded the amendment of his master as mirac-
ulous, begged him to give him what was left in the pigskin, which was no
small quantity. Don Quixote consented, and he, taking it with both hands, in
good faith and with a better will, gulped down and drained off very little
less than his master. But the fact is, that the stomach of poor Sancho was of
necessity not so delicate as that of his master, and so, before vomiting, he
was seized with such gripings and retchings, and such sweats and faintness,
that verily and truly be believed his last hour had come, and finding himself
so racked and tormented he cursed the balsam and the thief that had given it
to him.
Don Quixote seeing him in this state said, “It is my belief, Sancho, that
this mischief comes of thy not being dubbed a knight, for I am persuaded
this liquor cannot be good for those who are not so.”
“If your worship knew that,” returned Sancho—”woe betide me and all
my kindred!—why did you let me taste it?”
At this moment the draught took effect, and the poor squire began to dis-
charge both ways at such a rate that the rush mat on which he had thrown
himself and the canvas blanket he had covering him were fit for nothing af-
terwards. He sweated and perspired with such paroxysms and convulsions
that not only he himself but all present thought his end had come. This tem-
pest and tribulation lasted about two hours, at the end of which he was left,
not like his master, but so weak and exhausted that he could not stand. Don
Quixote, however, who, as has been said, felt himself relieved and well, was
eager to take his departure at once in quest of adventures, as it seemed to
him that all the time he loitered there was a fraud upon the world and those
in it who stood in need of his help and protection, all the more when he had
the security and confidence his balsam afforded him; and so, urged by this
impulse, he saddled Rocinante himself and put the pack-saddle on his
squire’s beast, whom likewise he helped to dress and mount the ass; after
which he mounted his horse and turning to a corner of the inn he laid hold
of a pike that stood there, to serve him by way of a lance. All that were in
the inn, who were more than twenty persons, stood watching him; the
innkeeper’s daughter was likewise observing him, and he too never took his
eyes off her, and from time to time fetched a sigh that he seemed to pluck
up from the depths of his bowels; but they all thought it must be from the
pain he felt in his ribs; at any rate they who had seen him plastered the night
before thought so.
As soon as they were both mounted, at the gate of the inn, he called to
the host and said in a very grave and measured voice, “Many and great are
the favours, Senor Alcaide, that I have received in this castle of yours, and I
remain under the deepest obligation to be grateful to you for them all the
days of my life; if I can repay them in avenging you of any arrogant foe
who may have wronged you, know that my calling is no other than to aid
the weak, to avenge those who suffer wrong, and to chastise perfidy. Search
your memory, and if you find anything of this kind you need only tell me of
it, and I promise you by the order of knighthood which I have received to
procure you satisfaction and reparation to the utmost of your desire.”
The innkeeper replied to him with equal calmness, “Sir Knight, I do not
want your worship to avenge me of any wrong, because when any is done
me I can take what vengeance seems good to me; the only thing I want is
that you pay me the score that you have run up in the inn last night, as well
for the straw and barley for your two beasts, as for supper and beds.”
“Then this is an inn?” said Don Quixote.
“And a very respectable one,” said the innkeeper.
“I have been under a mistake all this time,” answered Don Quixote, “for
in truth I thought it was a castle, and not a bad one; but since it appears that
it is not a castle but an inn, all that can be done now is that you should ex-
cuse the payment, for I cannot contravene the rule of knights-errant, of
whom I know as a fact (and up to the present I have read nothing to the con-
trary) that they never paid for lodging or anything else in the inn where they
might be; for any hospitality that might be offered them is their due by law
and right in return for the insufferable toil they endure in seeking adven-
tures by night and by day, in summer and in winter, on foot and on horse-
back, in hunger and thirst, cold and heat, exposed to all the inclemencies of
heaven and all the hardships of earth.”
“I have little to do with that,” replied the innkeeper; “pay me what you
owe me, and let us have no more talk of chivalry, for all I care about is to
get my money.”
“You are a stupid, scurvy innkeeper,” said Don Quixote, and putting
spurs to Rocinante and bringing his pike to the slope he rode out of the inn
before anyone could stop him, and pushed on some distance without look-
ing to see if his squire was following him.
The innkeeper when he saw him go without paying him ran to get pay-
ment of Sancho, who said that as his master would not pay neither would
he, because, being as he was squire to a knight-errant, the same rule and
reason held good for him as for his master with regard to not paying any-
thing in inns and hostelries. At this the innkeeper waxed very wroth, and
threatened if he did not pay to compel him in a way that he would not like.
To which Sancho made answer that by the law of chivalry his master had
received he would not pay a rap, though it cost him his life; for the excel-
lent and ancient usage of knights-errant was not going to be violated by
him, nor should the squires of such as were yet to come into the world ever
complain of him or reproach him with breaking so just a privilege.
The ill-luck of the unfortunate Sancho so ordered it that among the com-
pany in the inn there were four woolcarders from Segovia, three needle-
makers from the Colt of Cordova, and two lodgers from the Fair of Seville,
lively fellows, tender-hearted, fond of a joke, and playful, who, almost as if
instigated and moved by a common impulse, made up to Sancho and dis-
mounted him from his ass, while one of them went in for the blanket of the
host’s bed; but on flinging him into it they looked up, and seeing that the
ceiling was somewhat lower what they required for their work, they decided
upon going out into the yard, which was bounded by the sky, and there,
putting Sancho in the middle of the blanket, they began to raise him high,
making sport with him as they would with a dog at Shrovetide.
The cries of the poor blanketed wretch were so loud that they reached the
ears of his master, who, halting to listen attentively, was persuaded that
some new adventure was coming, until he clearly perceived that it was his
squire who uttered them. Wheeling about he came up to the inn with a labo-
rious gallop, and finding it shut went round it to see if he could find some
way of getting in; but as soon as he came to the wall of the yard, which was
not very high, he discovered the game that was being played with his
squire. He saw him rising and falling in the air with such grace and nimble-
ness that, had his rage allowed him, it is my belief he would have laughed.
He tried to climb from his horse on to the top of the wall, but he was so
bruised and battered that he could not even dismount; and so from the back
of his horse he began to utter such maledictions and objurgations against
those who were blanketing Sancho as it would be impossible to write down
accurately: they, however, did not stay their laughter or their work for this,
nor did the flying Sancho cease his lamentations, mingled now with threats,
now with entreaties but all to little purpose, or none at all, until from pure
weariness they left off. They then brought him his ass, and mounting him
on top of it they put his jacket round him; and the compassionate Mari-
tornes, seeing him so exhausted, thought fit to refresh him with a jug of wa-
ter, and that it might be all the cooler she fetched it from the well. Sancho
took it, and as he was raising it to his mouth he was stopped by the cries of
his master exclaiming, “Sancho, my son, drink not water; drink it not, my
son, for it will kill thee; see, here I have the blessed balsam (and he held up
the flask of liquor), and with drinking two drops of it thou wilt certainly be
restored.”
At these words Sancho turned his eyes asquint, and in a still louder voice
said, “Can it be your worship has forgotten that I am not a knight, or do you
want me to end by vomiting up what bowels I have left after last night?
Keep your liquor in the name of all the devils, and leave me to myself!” and
at one and the same instant he left off talking and began drinking; but as at
the first sup he perceived it was water he did not care to go on with it, and
begged Maritornes to fetch him some wine, which she did with right good
will, and paid for it with her own money; for indeed they say of her that,
though she was in that line of life, there was some faint and distant resem-
blance to a Christian about her. When Sancho had done drinking he dug his
heels into his ass, and the gate of the inn being thrown open he passed out
very well pleased at having paid nothing and carried his point, though it had
been at the expense of his usual sureties, his shoulders. It is true that the
innkeeper detained his alforjas in payment of what was owing to him, but
Sancho took his departure in such a flurry that he never missed them. The
innkeeper, as soon as he saw him off, wanted to bar the gate close, but the
blanketers would not agree to it, for they were fellows who would not have
cared two farthings for Don Quixote, even had he been really one of the
knights-errant of the Round Table.
